Episode 01: Election Business

I'm going to break the fourth wall here and acknowledge you directly - but it's just this once, I swear.

I understand this will be my debut post, the first of many, I hope. Yes, you don't know me, nor I you, but I'm going to continue on as if we already know each other. We've been friends forever, so there's no need for names or introductions or anything along those lines.

Anyway, let's get going here.

I'm sick of this whole election business. For almost a year now, I've seen the many different faces of politics fade in and out and now that we're on that home stretch, only a short week away from Election Day, I'm ready for this shit to be over with.

It's like Olympic season all over again. I hate the Olympics. I never watch them. I don't care what goes on. All I notice is that my programming is significantly altered because some chinese thirteen year old wants to swing around on some bars for fourty-eight seconds. The upcoming election is almost committing the same crime, but I treat it just the same as I did the Olympics: I ignore it and pay absolutely no attention to it.

Apparently Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama bought a 30-minute time slot on three networks: CBS, NBC and FOX, I believe, just so he can talk about the same shit we've been hearing from him for months.

Spoiler alert: I'm not watching it. Just like the Olympics, and just like the three presidential debates, along with all the news coverage for the national conventions, rather than tune in, I will be tuning out - and probably logged into XBox Live.

All the advertisements, all this press and media attention, is to capture the heart of the mythical "undecided voter." If there are still any out there, someone who actually requires a 30-minute monologue from Obama to knock them one way over the fence, someone who won't know who they will vote for until three minutes before they walk into the voting booth, then that person shouldn't be voting anyway.

It's simple, really. You're on three sides: the Republican's side, the Democrat's side, or no one's side. If you relate to McCain in his beliefs, vote for him. If you relate to Obama, vote for him instead. If you relate to either or neither, don't vote. If you relate to either of them, why should you care who wins? You agree with both of them concerning national and international issues, remember? If you can't agree with either of them, voting for Nader or writing in "Mickey Mouse" or "Charles Manson" is equal to not even showing up. So either make up your mind or plan on staying home or at work next Tuesday.

I knew who I was going to vote for months ago, and I'm going to vote for him still. I didn't need 279 different TV commercials telling me what to do, or a 30-minute speech telling me what to do. I don't need the hundreds of online news articles telling me what to do or a rally of 100,000+ people screaming their hearts out to tell me what to do, either.

Let's just get this crap over with. I've already made up my mind and I don't understand how this late in the game, some people still don't know what to do. It's a presidential election, which last time I checked, is pretty friggin' important. If you're just going to cast your ballot for the name you pointed at with your eyes closed, don't go to the polls. This country's screwed up enough as it is.

- Trace